*Will you do it again? I'm not sure. For the right couple. If I did I could see just doing it once more, but who knows.
*How can you give away your baby? It's not my baby. It's never been my baby and it never will be my baby. It's the IP's (Intended Parent's) baby, I'm simply baby sitting for a LOOOOONG time. I'm not giving away a baby, I'm giving BACK THEIR baby.
*What does your husband think, is it weird for him? He's 100% supportive. His least favorite part is the medical screening (he hates having his blood drawn) and giving me shots. We're both in agreement on every part of the process. This isn't something you can do without the support of your spouse. He said it was weird at first, but that didn't last long.
*Do you know the parents? This can be answered 2 different ways. Some want to know if I knew the parents prior to surrogacy. The answer to that is no. Some people are fortunate enough to find a friend or family member to carry for them, some have that option but choose not to use it. My PIP's (Previous IP's) and I met through a surrogacy agency. The IM (Intended Mother) had someone offered but she didn't want to put any risk on their relationship. She was afraid if something happened that the carrier or mother would feel negative feelings or tension. For the same reason, I will not offer to be someone's surrogate that I'm close to. Others want to know if I knew them throughout the pregnancy. To that, yes. There are different ways to "match". For us, we both used and agency. The agency showed my profile to my PIP's, they viewed it and liked it so then I viewed their profile. I liked theirs so we set up a time to have a conference call. If both sides like each other then you keep moving forward. There's medical screening (where we met face-to-face for the first time), contracts, and then getting ready for the transfer. You spend a lot of time before the pregnancy while moving along just getting to know each other better, and you keep doing so through the pregnancy. We would talk sometimes, text, e-mail, and they came to visit a few times during the pregnancy and were here for the delivery.
*Do you still keep in contact? Some. My PIP's are absolutely wonderful. Of course we're not in contact as much as we were during the pregnancy, but I still receive pictures and little updates of how he's doing. It's wonderful to see him growing.
*How much does it cost? It costs the surrogate nothing. Any cost the surrogate would incur is reimbursed (within reason of course, you can't go out and spend $10,000 on a maternity wardrobe and your IP's pay for that). For the IP's, I have no idea. I never asked my PIP's how much it was and they never offered up the total, it's none of my business. I can say that the IP's are responsible for any travel the surrogate must do, medical bills, the cycling to get pregnant, legal, and any potential compensation.
*What do your kids think? My kids knew from the beginning. If we were out in public and someone tried to congratulate me, Monkey would pipe in and correct them before I even had the chance along the lines of "we're just growing it for another mommy and daddy". Kids are wonderful with things like this, they take what you tell them at face value. They knew I wasn't carrying their brother, they knew he wasn't related to them in any way, they knew the parents that he was to go home with after he was big enough to be born.
*I've always wanted to do it, what do I need to know? Wow, I could write a 10 page paper and I'd still be scratching the surface. Here's a very brief list of the basics. Do you have health insurance? Does it have a surrogacy exclusion? Are you finished with your family? I know of several surrogates that have lost their fertility carrying for someone else, don't be a surrogate if you want more children later. What are your views on termination or selective reduction in EVERY possible situation, in want cases would you agree or not agree to terminate or reduce? No matter what, make sure this is a decision you can live with until the day you die. What are the laws in your state? Who do you want to carry for (gay, straight, single, married, with children, childless, interracial, international)?
Surrogacy was an incredible experience for me. I feel honored that a wonderful couple trusted me with their most precious cargo and that my family was part of growing their family.
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